Silly Grins

Friday, June 24, 2011

This is not meant to be altruistic in any way...

Some people don’t read blogs, maybe because they simply don’t know how. Maybe they never thought they had that kind of time.  He never did.

He can’t remember when he first started following some ‘crazyvato in a place called Yokohama. 
What he can remember is that some kind of feeling, call it intuition if you will, kept him there.   
Which is strange, because he can’t clearly recall anything specific that really made him stop and take notice.  Maybe there was something he recognized that was just familiar enough. Even if he still can’t figure that out (and maybe he doesn’t need to).

He does feel that he’s got to be clear, clear that he is not trying to be altruistic. This is just what he thinks he sees, from the threads he followed and the patterns he’s seem based on his experience. Just observations.  And somehow, recently, a lot of it seemed to start making sense.

And it scared the hell out of him.
Not that he’s every able to really sleep unless he’s somehow spent his energy.
Only then does the dark, velvety, dreamless abyss seem warm, welcoming, and yes…familiar (but that is for another story...maybe).

Over the years, he’s listened to conversations, usually only half-awake (perhaps for lack of really good sleep). Some of the conversations have been kind, even friendly. A few have been unforgettable in a way that, although memory may draw blanks, the soul (if he believes in such a thing) seems to remember.

Sometimes he’d almost feel like shaking. Was it stress? Who knows. No addictions to speak of, at least that need being kept a vigilant twelve steps away (at all times). 
Maybe it was a combination of things, accumulating over time. 
Layer by layer. 

Maybe it was the stretch of time that seemed like two years of what amounted to a seven-day a week grind.  Yeah, there were a few days off, one here, one there. But never enough to do anything more than just try to recuperate.  Life was a dull, nine-to-five-to-nine metronome. Turning into a zombie. 

Then, that bucket of ice-water. 

And here he is.  About to witness something, like CONFESSIONS, but he’s not too sure when it is coming. First he thought he didn’t need to see it.  But like the Sage in Yokohama, he felt something. And stuck around.

And the best way he can pay respect is to simply show.
Show what he saw.
Some people have been talking about dark and ugly. When we are willing to look into that darkness, go into the ugly…that is where some folks seem to gain something that would otherwise not be possible (and maybe even find something beautiful). Kind of like Vodon or something close. All those damn curses. Turning it around. Making them blessings.

Full speed ahead. 

The first 50 seconds of the video says everything. If you do decide to continue to watch this, sit through the twenty minutes, you might want to have a private place to sit. Frankly, it messed me up (but in a good way). And if you can sit through and finish the whole twenty, the 'reward' of sorts is the bottom link on this page.

For those of you who did sit the full twenty, the following somehow proves that going into that darkness really is, for lack of a better word, good (and scary as hell). 

For those of you who have watched Abani... here it is. Listen to the muse perform her
I'd stand up to hear that. All you gotta do is play that back in your head every time you are forced to hear the original. 

And to end with, here's a bit that was forwarded to by someone who has seen a lot. Talk about timing. 

Now, time to go live. 


  1. Almost every formative moment in my life was a bad one. There is a pattern and purpose to that. I never had much time for shallow thinkers. People who don't know real soul crushing pain have not yet's hard to appreciate life until you've been in a spot where you were resigned to the thought that your own was amazingly refreshing event...eventually.

  2. ....My trip though life has been very lucky in terms of people stepping in because of what they must have seen. What exactly, I'm still not sure. My "firm, fair, and consistent" is part of where I'm headed this see an old mentor, to express some gratitude.

    Thanks for the comment.
    And, for what its worth...Good Luck.