Silly Grins

Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Read Pill

The 'red pill' is not read. In it's natural state, it looks quite green, and muddy brown after it's been boiled down for a few days. As a crystal, they say it has a yellow tinge. What do you think?

(For those whose gray matter is imbued with a short attention span, scroll straight to THE BOTTOM. 

For those who don't mind sitting through a trip or two, you may wish to start at the top. This post is the layered and can be read as a kaleidoscope of images that actually do fit together, as this sort-of summary is intended to e'splain. 

This post was written in three sittings, the last of which was written by hand. A lot of what is written here may not appear to make sense. Trips are like that. If you do make it to the bottom and leave a comment you'll get a response. 

Okay, here goes...)  

Now, I’m not even sure how people manage to communicate anymore.

Life is in the comments. That’s where there’s the interaction, the recognition that people normally don’t get, at least when it’s sincere. And sometimes…sometimes people let you know something that you can use.

This will be the last blog post here for quite some time, perhaps for good.

(clears throat)

Roughly two years ago I was coaxed out of my hole, so to speak.

There was this guy, a blogger, who was throwing a party.  I stood outside, listening to the DJ spin…also got to hear a few of the guests do their thang.  Moving, it all was.

Here goes.

(deep breath)


I do drink alcohol, but not much. Might have a beer with dinner now and then. And I don’t do ‘drugs’.  I’m clean.  By the time I was old enough for ‘higher education’, I’d already had my share of 'acclimational' experiences. I don’t think I’ve ever tripped. Not from what I can remember. And I’ve never had blackouts.

Churches…those are places I’ve been. One that is arguably a cult, depending on which sect you talk to. Was never forced to participate, but undoing the fear in order to be able to see better has taken years. Occasionally, if there’s a bump in the night, it can still set me off. Still, I’ve never ‘seen’ anything. Still…just gotta be still and remember to breathe.

Worth millions apparently. 



The imagination...worth so much...and also can be used as a weapon on the unsuspecting, ‘specially when trust comes into play. Mixed in with a little bit of hope...that magic goes to work. 

Cleanse, fold and manipulate for profit.


At the same time, the blessed mind (or what’s left of it) is a sacred space. One in which serenity can still be found.

Set & Setting

Consciousness. Not too sure if consciousness is an actual setting. An editor’s letter was posted just a short while ago. In it there was mention of the Origin of Consciousness. You can see the messy response I left in the comments below in the post linked here.

Shortly after submitting the comment and having it approved, I did a quick search and, as serendipity would have it, I stumble across DMT. Didn’t know what it was exactly and still don’t really know.

Since I’d rather read than watch TV, other than documentaries, I started looking around. And ended up watchin' a documentary and subsequently reading a lot of comments here and there. 

It’s this last one that gets me.

The last one gets me because something happened roughly two yeas ago.

Look, despite an early indoctrination of sorts, buying into the system was not hard-wired into me. When you get a look at what’s behind the scenes, how shows are run, how things are made - forgetting that it’s one big show, for the most part, is hard to do. Unless you, through isolation or some kind of subconscious decision, kind of put things into hyper-sleep. Maybe you thought you had to in order to go with the flow. 


Then, one day, there’s a low boom. First you feel it or maybe think you feel it. Then, there may be a buzzing sound. And then the ringing. Launch. All within a time-frame that allows for a mind to pick up where you think it left off. 

The fucker was supposed to be sleeping.


“Maybe it wasn’t even a game.”

No, not a game. It was an educational tool designed to open up, flip switches, observe, make connections…

Myst was a taste of what really being connected feels like.

So, what does ‘really being connected’ feel like?

We’re doing it now.

The simplicity is deceptive. 

“You are The Stranger, a person of inconsequential gender, race, or origin, minding your own business when a book falls into the black starlit void you call home.”

The backstory is in every single post.
Only, the story is something that has needed architecture through which messages can be relayed. Sometimes pictures. Other times, just a phrase or two.

Cryptography is too advanced and not something that is really my style. Never has been. Neither is violence. Not really.

Still, the idea of lining walls with brail has never seemed unfair to those who can see.  Last time I had a conversation with a person who could read brail, it was with someone who was bilingual. She’d spent less than a year in the US. Her active memory, for words and phrases, was near perfect. When you’re in the dark, there’s a lot to be aware of. You kind of have to be.

I doubt she could see what I imagined to be a cruel grin just on the corner of the principal’s face, the authority who worked at the school where she was teaching. Bruises on her shins from the coffee table. Yes, many fresh looking bruises. When she was invited in to speak with me, even though she moved carefully, she still managed to bump that table. Not like anyone would have had moved it. 

Are we focusing now? See where this is headed?

There was a lot going on. A lot going on that I didn’t see. Next time I have a conversation with a blind person, I will remember to close my eyes. To listen.

“Thankfully, they later realized that they were going to have to make a couple of conceptual concessions for a game that took many players months to work their way through.”

Thee consecutive sittings were required to get through that ‘game’.  The resolution on my monitor was poor, so it took a bit longer than it could have. Still, it was manageable.

It's an alluring idea — the ability to write words with such power and focus that they could physically transport someone to a place of the author's choosing — not to mention a tempting metaphor for the Millers' love of world-building.”

Yeah. Books can do that.

“The world being linked to — its terrain, its people, its architecture, its biosphere — all existed before that first link was created; the writer is merely presenting opportunities to see these worlds.”

That’s all.


(takes another breath)
19:33… it mentions something about influencing human consciousness.

Influencing human consciousness. So what goes on behind the eyes? He’ll show you his...

For anyone who takes DMT, there is a chance to see what’s down underneath the last turtle. As much as I’d like to think I understand that most of what we do, the way we interact, is some kind of agreed upon way of acting out roles we may not even be aware of… as much as I’d like to think I’m at least aware of that (see linked quote if necessary).  If I ever do DMT, I want to have prepared for it (knowing that I maybe really can’t). 

For now, however, my real reality, the one that I breathe and walk through on a daily basis, takes precedence over that ultimate trip through the cosmos. 

The strength of the Internet, one of them, is very real. If you want to double-check something you think you might have read or watched once upon a time, odds are, now, you’ll have a good chance of finding something. And also get an opportunity to see what other people are saying, whether they agree or not. Or disagree a lot. 

What's this got to do with Loco?

You see, if you do google the author of the bicameral mind, you’ll see a name, Brian J. McVeigh. Go ahead, don't close your eyes. Google him.

One of the hardest parts, I’ve found, is seeing how things fit together. Sometimes you stumble across bits and pieces of important stuff that has happened and you are able to actually connect the dots. And then verify.

Like the DMT experience, as far as I understand it at this point, asking questions like this is very important. And has it’s dangers.

To ‘close’ this post and start shutting down the ‘blog’, I never would have come this far had I not just to have happened across Loco and Chris’ interaction and subsequent recognition. For me, everything is very real, and I’d like to keep it that way.  Were I to meet the other one in person, as Wifey thought I was going to when I explained that I was headed off to meet a blogger, I’ve got a set of about three. But it’s not magic, which often involves distraction, slight of hand, or some trick… it’s something else very, very real. 

I’m not sure there are any answers. But that doesn’t stop me from asking.

Two of the three require presentation in order.
After the third are questions I am prepared to answer.
It all depends.
It takes a hell of a lot of mental energy.
Just to stay focused.
But not 

Thank you and goodbye.


(I had to find a park somewhere, be outside in the sun. That's how this part was writ.)


At some point in life, people may find themselves hyper-aware of what's going on around them in their universe. The manner or circumstances that lead to this state of elevated consciousness does not always occur when it is convenient. And they may or may not be other people around who we can relate to. What’s difficult is when trying to relate that experience to others who may not be receptive or sympathetic to our observations. Reactions may vary, from offhanded dismissal…

Loco or Baye, provides a good example of what that can be like. His editor, in her own way, has talked about that too. And there are others. Here in Japan.

But not everyone, despite noticing the similarities, is so willing to engage with other people about this. It’s a tricky business, or it can be.

Bad Boy provides a grand example of this phenomenon. We all bring our chips to the table, along with axes of various shapes, sizes, and sharpness.

In exploring consciousness, there is overlap. If there are any doubts regarding these connections, I can demonstrate their existence by showing the threads I discovered so far.

In the editor’s note to Loco, the ‘Origins of Consciousness’ is discussed. So let’s start there. Julian Jaynes discusses bicameralism, an idea definitely worth researching further for those who are interested. One of Jaynes understudies is B.J. McVeigh.

One particular comment on Loco’s blog was fairly critical of his observations. McVeigh happened to be an author I had read who provided insight that was useful in confirming the validity of Loco’s reflections on education. Whoever left the comment was bragging about working in ‘higher education’ or something like that. So, I just quoted what I’d read about how it can be. Loco remarked on how I’d ‘dropped science’.

McVeigh had spent some time in Japan and wrote about what he’d observed, relating to his experience in a straightforward way that is easily ‘accessible’ to the laymen reader. Japanese Higher Education as Myth is worth a quick look if only for the anecdotal value. That particular book was met with praise and criticism. Anyway…

Before McVeigh’s attempt to dispel a myth, he’d published some other work dealing with shaman-worthy consideration from the perspective of a person with experience in Japan. His interests appear to be more than merely recreational in nature.

Psychology deals with the mind (duh!).  Neurophysiology is another is another perspective or way of approaching how the mind works. That’s where he and Strassman overlap. Literally.

Strassman is one of the most recent big pioneers in the West to legitimately pursue an area or filed traditionally left or entrusted to shaman. A clinical approach to DMT just so happens to reveal a lot of ideas that people are interested in discussing with regard to consciousness. Rational minded scientists and mysticists both are confronted with data that is still very open to interpretation.

Although I’ve never had any kind of mystical encounters, my own mental filters do not allow me to tune out those who’ve experienced what I have not. Many people have reported a number of encounters with perceived entities that bare striking similarities. The similarities have been verified, only the way in which the observations are interpreted vary, be they from a rational perspective grounded in science or faith.

One striking feature is the phenomenon of the ‘machine elves’.

If I ever do decide to take a trip into or across and over to that realm, it won’t be for shits and giggles. They, my elders, have offered to sit through the journey because of their familiarity with my set and sensitivity to setting.

There are few physical settings that I would even consider embarking on a search or journey. Because of the bonds I share with a circle of friends who consider me family, I feel fortunate to have such support. The physical part of the journey is very real. And like any physical journey, the weight of the baggage is crucial to the territory to be explored, both in metaphorical and spiritual terms. Humor allows for a deeper understanding as it enables courage that is required for the trip.

Our trip spans generations, a trip that is well documented in a book of sorts that will be exhumed one last time before being transported to an unspecified location before a circle will have been completed and ceremonially laid to rest deep in the heart of a living dreamscape.

Whether another generation will continue to honor the legacy remains.

Ash to ashes…

This blog experience is at the end of a cycle that has been very profound for me. Comments will remain open for a time. I am prepared to answer any question the observer may have, using metaphors where direct answers will not be appropriate beyond the circle to which I belong.

Thank you.



Oh yeah. Before anyone want to blow me off for ‘not having a clue’, BJ McVeigh, who studied under you-don’t-want-to-bore-yourselves-with-this Jaynes, BJ is apparently working in U of A, and Dick (Strassman) has done some overlapping. When you're up high, there's a lot to overlook. 


(mostly unedited)


  1. You touched on a couple of subjects that really intrigue me. The biggest being hallucinogens and whether or not what happens to you "under the influence" is actually happening or not. When you first mentioned DMT, for some reason I had it stuck in my mind that it was that weird drug that causes you to nearly die by slowing down your heart. That would be an interesting feeling as well....

    How would somebody even be able to find DMT or some of the other halucinogens in this day and age? I recall listening to an episode of Coast to Coast with Art Bell and the entire subject was on these types of plants. What happens to your mind, your body and what you could potentially experience. very interesting indeed.

    I think many people are stuck in a rut where they only see what they want to believe and not believe what they are seeing. And then some people, like me, that see things that they want to believe and everybody thinks they are a loon. I'm not crazy, I just want to believe. Maybe I've watched too much of the X-Files. I haven't experienced much that leads me towards anything supernatural, but I'm pretty sure I've experienced ghosts as recently as Monday.

    I wonder how much Myst was influenced from a good/bad trip. The good, you're in this wonderful and immersive world with incredible views. The bad, there are no people in the world to be found. Almost sounds like a bad episode of the twilight zone.

    S'cuse the ramblings of guy who enjoys hearing about the mystical and the metaphysical.

  2. A Scully in that story, a Tim Scully. And something about Orange Sunshine. What is even more interesting, for me, is an interview with Mr. Sand that was on YouTube. Apparently Mr. Sand had some things to say about DMT, a substance he says he was aware of because he’d made it. Though I wouldn’t know how to get hold of what has been deemed ‘Schedule 1, Class A’ substance (or something like that), there are plenty of instructional videos out there for the DIY approach.

    Nic Gabrial was on London Real talking about his ayahuasuca experience, a clip I had to watch in segments because it’s so long. I wish I’d had a big enough chunk of free time to have watched it in it’s entirety in order not to lose the context of what he was saying. Not that I couldn’t follow him. I just had to remind myself of what he was talking about when I dropped back in on the clip.

    Art Bell…I remember listening to the ‘voices of hell’ clip you suggested. It was late. I was tired. And I was impressionable. For me, it’s that feeling of wonder, be it a fearful or cheerful sort, that feeling is what is important in pursuing the creation of novelty. A post or two ago, there was a video link featuring mathamagicians. Part of their explanation included the importance of that mystical feeling while not being afraid to figure out how the tricks are done.

    01997 May 22 - Mr. Bell did an interview with the late McKenna where Terrence talks about habit and novelty. I would say that most of our mundane experiences are due succumbing to a habit that does not make room for novelty.

    Somewhere in that conversation, there is the mention of mass communication and the dissolution of boundaries.

    Stepping back and winding down.

    Myst…what the article or one of the more recent blog articles put together by a promising young author in or around L.A. wasn’t aware of…Myst, the way it was set up, the back story related to learning. There are many games out there that don’t make sense in that they aren’t trying to teach anything so much as entertain. The way of thinking in the world of Myst was something I could relate and ‘read’ in a way that was oddly familiar, kind of like being able to ‘see’ with the mind through it’s various senses. Virtually everything in the game has a reason or meaning.

    In life, you can believe there is meaning or not. I’ve let myself believe there is meaning and have discovered a number of things, much like within the Brøderbund creation. None of what I’ve come across so far is other-worldly. What I’m finding are links…links in the real world. Proof. And, of course, what it all means is up to the interpretation of the observer.

    I’ve gone back to the How Some Things Work post and added a ‘spaceship’ for you.

    (It took me a few times before I understood how Conway explains as he shows)

    Thanks again for stopping by.


  3. "In life, you can believe there is meaning or not."

    I remember my friend's father getting annoyed with his daughter (friend's older sister) when she complained about not knowing her purpose in life. He (the father) slammed his beer bottle on the kitchen table and said brusquely, "Your purpose in life is to not die. Everything else is gravy." He then picked up his bottle and left the room. Not long after that, I remember thinking that may have been the best thing I'd ever heard said to someone like my friend's sis...

    I'll be back to see how the comments unfold.

    1. I wonder what your friend's father might have said had his daughter asked instead of complaining.

      Your story brings to mind a few quotes from McKenna:
      “If you don’t have a plan, you become part of somebody else’s plan.” “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer." And, when he was asked what the ultimate goal of human evolution [the purpose of life], his response was, "Oh, a good party."

      I guess that's where the gravy is. People need to get on with enjoying it. Make stuff. Do things.


  4. Sorry for being late. (here's your chip bruh,)

    I ate dinner with a dude lastnight (he posted our pic of his FB page.) He's about as scary a J man as you'd ever meet and he's young so he's still trying to make his mark or see the chance to do that...though he's not sure how or when that moment might come. That's what makes him dangerous. He doesn't even know what he's thinking. I tell him me and a crew used to stick up drug dealers and buyers who were set up from the moment they landed. Immigration, Baggage handling, folks in reservations,bookings, and Vice. They'd get piped to the Ala Moana Hotel because it was off the main 2 drags. Next to a huge mall with a huge parking and folks in there were in the family. We would use key cards and stomp doors (not me a guy a guy 6ft 9 and 350 lbs) typical mammoth sized mixed south pacific islander mix...they grow really fucking huge and become Sumo champions or NFL lineman or....the guy I was with ...they do that. Barging in with weapons drawn on folks who's sin was not paying a "respect" tax for doing business on protected turf. They lost the dope and the money and who they gonna call? It was sanctioned by the family. You gonna call the cops about your stolen what? I said b4 I made folks be not and if the # of people who went back without the 20k or the key it was gonna fetch. Imagine it being your first move and coming up empty and having folks doubt your story of being strongarmed? They would/could be whacked by their own crew. What happened to them? I was sharing this tale sans the crucial details when I get interrupted because he...this kid already knows. Was warned about me by a close and trusted friend of his. The friend is different though. From what I was and what he wants to be. The warnings only made him curious. He knew shit about me I had forgotten. The FB phenom is really trippy. He said he heard stuff. I said he probably didn't hear it all. He asked for 1 piece of advice. I says to reserve a piece of his heart and mind for open space. Devoid of all modern social codes and ethics. Consider Bushido as a more accurate guide in cases of justice and eliminate anyone who may use the more modern codes to expose the use of his older code usage. Life is not as precious as advertised. Govs take lives all the time for reasons not all that clear. That isn't justification that's a sad fact. A 2nd year post grad a year away from life in the money is pulled into a Army reserve obligation and dies in Afghanistan for no clear reason in a place nobody has ever put under thumb. Bad guys killing each other by being in that life is not remotely, not remotely similar. That clip...the girl in Apocalypto.

    Who are the bad guys? The ones without rules Will. They cannot be predicted and will not be held accountable. That's not the world I knew in and grew in.

    “If you don’t have a plan, you become part of somebody else’s plan.”

    We say you're one of're either a player or you're getting played. Not a 3rd. Can't be anything but one or the other. Loco is trying to be a "player" while he's getting played. Can't work. Won't work. That's a violation of divine rules. Facebook reconnected me with elements from my past where my stories have simmered and inspired others. You can be alright if you never violate your code and ruthlessly deal with those who would have you do otherwise. I put in a few words to a man in Osaka and another man suffers as a show of respect to me. The days of hopping on a train to beat a dude in a bathroom are gone. I can let another local do that in the name of building a credibility that they will keep or lose depending on the solidness of their core. But for me? Words in a box sent and received. A favor given and a chip on a shelf to be cashed when that person chooses. I drifted from blogging because folks seemed to think something was scary or crazy? Nah, ya'll (those folks) are living in crazy. I exist in sanity.

    1. Thank you. Although there’s no need for any kind of apology.
      (You’ve been admirably busy raising hells that comes before them sleigh bells, bringing on the fear before the cheer.)

      And thank you for the offer. As well as the for the advice/perspective/reality check.

      Fortunately, by choice based on a mix of sense and instinct, I’ve been able to keep far away from what is considered ‘bad’ in most cases. Although there are a few little things that may bother me from time to time, nothing is of magnitude that would require considerably drastic measures. So far anyway.

      Opening doors…sounds like something like the late Mr. Blue would have been familiar with. There are lines that people step over when they probably shouldn’t because it’s not their element at all. While hearing stories like ones Mr. Bunker has played a part of is thrilling on one level, I think people in general (including myself) have a habit of developing what’s like a social blind spot. Where that blind spot comes from is up for debate, ignoring that it is there is difficult. Praise be to those who acknowledge the realities that we live in by being sane enough to at least call attention to the value of the lives we chose to live.

      Though there is more I’d like to write, the time has come to take a serious look at what’s left an make some policy decisions…look at what I’ve done, figure out what I’m doing (in life), and decide what needs to get done. Yeah, there’s plenty more to write, but the timeframe for that needs serious consideration in order for me to stay sane. It’s either that or go back to sleep – which ain’t no way to go through life.

      Thank you, especially for the attention you’ve showed particularly with regard to the sentiments in this last set of comments.

      I’ll make it a point to drop by your blog from time to time ‘cause I like to see how things are going.

      When I do come back to life online, there will be a definite structure and I will be who I am. Easy enough to find, focused on projects, and willing to look at life in a way that’s hopefully more sane than crazy, which can be scary (just gotta keep my mind open).

      Until then…

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. Anon cause of where I work, but I am sure based on the way I tend to write it will be an easy guess as to who 'anon' is. I am not a religious person but I can say I do respect and acknowledge a higher level of consciousness. I first stumbled into this consciousness as someone experimenting and partying. And then used chemicals as a way to escape the current world around me. Later I only used mind altering substances when searching for something, I still don't know what I was searching for. But for weeks after the mind altering events, I saw the world differently. Thought of life as I usually lived it, worker drone and how I was the one who put my blinders up and sat down to drone through life.... never bothering to look up, look around and take notice. Though it has been several years since my last experience, I am not wholly opposed, under the right conditions to take a trip with a purpose. To actually pay very close attention during the experience not treat it like a movie, to just sit back and watch it without thinking. I feel my early experiences were wasted in trying to have fun, instead of using the substances to better myself. I could have learned so much more from the experiences.

    My partner has never/will never indulge in any psychotropics. I assume reality is hard enough for some to manage; seeing beyond your front door is not for all. If given the opportunity, under the right conditions I would like another trip. Unfortunately I would have to hide it from my partner and consort with people I would rather not at this juncture in my life. I have one really good friend that was a part of my life then and is a part of my life now. We have both discussed taking a trip at a later date in time. Who knows if that day will come again.

    For now the internet is escape enough for me. I peek in on other 'realities' and can to some degree interact with them (I even got to meet a fellow blogger outside of the internet realm). Sad to see you closing up shop but I am glad I found my way here. And I found my way here by 3 of the folks you mentioned in your post. It started off with a curiosity for snacks, that led to Loco's page, eventually to Badboy's page and then I found myself here. I have often enjoyed your page for it's ability to send me into hours of click after click thirsting for more knowledge. Or derailing myself by searching on one subject and ending up some place completely different. I wish you the best in life and on your journey for when you decide to take it.

    1. A lot of times I think that substances are what we people use to give ourselves an excuse to let go when all we really need to do is just let go of our baggage. Or, as Frank Zappa said, “A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.”
      When it comes to mental space, that’s one of the last areas of refuge amongst the chaos. And if it ain’t clean, I reckon I’m screwed.
      What used to get to me was how the consumer public could be so entertained by creative specatacle on the screens or packaging of products and at the same time be so aggressively hostile toward people who exhibited any outward signs of creativity. Nowadays, it’s a relief to see how two-toned hair, peircings, tattoos, or whatever it is is more the norm, as in not a big enough deal to warrant any screeching tires or getting chased down the street or randomly shouted at. It’s a relief to see that upon visits to the US. As far as Japan is concerned, there’s a 1950’s uptighness that’s hard to get away from. Still, people watch a lot of TV, consuming copious amounts of creatively packaged formula.
      “To actually pay very close attention during the experience not treat it like a movie, to just sit back and watch it without thinking.”
      For some reason, it reminds me of something someone who is new to me (but way dead) said that starts off with “The world is like a ride at an amusement park…”

      At this time, thinking about trips people take, I think I’m content just reading the ‘postcards’. For now anyway.

      “Outside of the internet realm” + “3 of the folks” = Internet Experience?

      While hours on the Net learning stuff can be really good, I’ve sometimes worried that my mind is just making patterns out of the static. They say you can hallucinate that way, a drug-free mind-hack and occasionally used brainwashing trick. Tried it once, put the ping pong domes over the eyes and turned on the noise. Didn’t work that time, but might try it again. Back to the ‘patterns out of the static’. I think there is a lot more to the whole Internet connectedness than people simply making things up in that there is good information available…it just takes time to filter through the static. Beats watching a lot of TV while consuming copious amounts of creatively packaged formula.

      Thank you for your responses and for sharing your stories. I do plan on staying tuned in to your blog.