Balloon Bloodhounds

Yeah, they have 'em here too.

A is for Apple

"Seriously, that joy-ride of an idea has taken off over there?"

"Here?"

"Yeah, in the land of the rising whatever-the-fuck-it-is...just don't keep staring at it or you'll go blind. Twisting balloons is big in Japan?"

"Balloon animals. I wouldn't say they are big here. But they are here. And I never imagined that it would take such skill. Especially when I don't consider myself a clown...here to enter-freakin'-tain anyone. Not anymore."

 

"Hey look, look who's a 'blue apple-biter'!"

"So, what uh... what happened?"

"It supposed to be a simple job. Go in for a set amount of time, keep the kids distracted, give out a few token animals, and then leave." 

"Yeah?"


"Well, I didn't know it would take that much concentration. Look, there was no instruction on what we were going to be asked to actually do before we got there. And then, once we got there, I'm like, 'How hard can it be?'" 

 "Well?"

"Well, we started out making swords. Mainly 'cause there the easiest. And what kid don't want a sword? I figured, 'Okay, this I can do.' So, there I was, making swords. And everybody was happy. Then I look over at the guy sittin' next to me. He makes this pretty lookin' fish." 

F is for Fish

 "Never seen one of those before."

"Yeah, me neither. They are multi-functional too, seeing as they can double as a hat. So, I start making these things. Feeling good, you know, building up some confidence. Then the guy next to me says, 'Okay, you're ready for the dog.' That's when things went south."

"You don't like dogs?"

"No, it's not that I don't like dogs. It's complicated. Layered. Let me explain... every time you pump one of them little balloons up, you gotta' be careful or your going to end up popping 'em. You do that and the kids are going to start cryin' and the parents are gonna' to start glaring. Ideally, we don't want that to happen, since that adds pressure."

"Like filing up a balloon?"


"Ha...ha...well, I ended up making a bunch of these...miscarriages if you ask me."

M is for Misfits

"Just to come up with one of these. He was the best of the litter."

D is for Don't Laugh...

"So the guy I'm workin' with, he just smiles and shakes his head, as if to say, 'You are nowhere near becoming a Jedi.' So, I says, 'Hey, look, it's pretty good for the first day, no?'"

"When the bastard pulls this one on me, it all starts coming back."

P is for Klown

"The most difficult of the balloons on this page, the poodle balloon animal is a cute, crowd-pleasing balloon animal that is for those who have experience twisting balloons."  Considered an "optional balloon that is a nice to have."

"Wait a minute. You don't mean...?"

"It was a combination of things. Maybe the color just kind of set me off." 

"And I thought I had buried my past. Given it up. But there I was." 

Still, there’s no way to anticipate seeing Bingo and Foo Foo making out with Addy in the backseat during a “private-like moment” or Bingo working a birthday party gig at a home in the suburbs, lit up on days of booze and adrenaline. Of course, the party goes horribly wrong. It had to.

There’s no way to foresee one of the clowns beaten at the hands of a gang of bikers outside a roadside strip club, his death or his burial in a shallow grave by a reservoir.

"There I was, rememberin' stuff, getting it all mixed up, and trying not to laugh. And at the same time. somehow being afraid." 

Credits go to: DB for his BSFUG review, the Chiodo Brothers, and anyone who dare try this stuff.