Silly Grins

Friday, November 9, 2012

Gonorrhea Blues

Or maybe it was chlamydia.

One of those special gifts that keeps on giving. 

Either way, it was "Down the hatch."

 "Wait. What do you mean, 'down the hatch'?!"

"Just be still. This will cause a bit of discomfort. If you back away, we'll have to take another sample." 

"I...Jesus!....that, really...."

"Almost...just another turn...okay. All done."

The symptoms were the same.  How could something that felt so good cause so much 'discomfort'?" 

Two kids, not even old enough to drive, were hanging out.

"Dude. You should always wear protection. You never wanna' catch anything."

"What are you talking about?"

"You ever piss razor blades? 'Cause that's what it feels like." 

"What happened?" 

"You know Deena?"

"You mean...?"

"Yep. Deena the Dyke?"

" didn't?!" 

"No.  Not me. This time, it was Johnny. He was all freaked out. Called and said when he went to take a leak that it felt like someone was pulling barbed-wire out of his dick." 

 "That's too funny." 

"It wasn't when she gave it to me. I went to the doctor and they did a test. Took out this thing that looked like Q-Tip and..." (it starts up top, just after "Down the Hatch")

 Will's turn came years later.  For him, it was more of a burning sensation. A lot like fire.

Then a lot like a lot of fire. Nothing quite as painful as he'd ever experienced 'down there'.

His visit to the doctor was fairly straight forward. He went in. The nurse asked a few questions, wrote stuff down on the clipboard and then stepped out.

A few minutes later, a doctor came in along with his young intern. The intern, she had her hair pulled back. Intelligent looking, kind of beautiful, but also focused on what the physician was saying. He was explaining the procedure.

Everything was done matter-of-factly. The patient  was even warned:

"This might hurt a little."

When the doctor was finished, he looked to his intern and reassured her, "You have to be prepared to tell them not to back away or you'll have to start over." 

Later, when Will was listening to the diagnosis, he asked the doctor about what he had said to the intern. 

"Usually guys are up against the wall and we have to start over again. Yours is the first case where I didn't get any response."



Apparently, there's some relatively newer stuff floating around Japan. A super bug of sorts. Not really 'news' in the sense that the story has been out for more than a year. Still, it's something I wonder about.

When I told people about it afterwards, they always said the same thing: 'I didn't know you could get gonorrhea from a blow job.' Yeah, no shit. Neither did I. You learn all kinds of stuff when you go to a happening club.

There are a lot of preventative measures that aren't taken here.  

And the treatment is sometimes virtually ineffective. 

Now, here's a song...just for its title. 



  1. Men are such wimps, the painful consequences of sex are always much worse for women... a qtip in the penis is nothing compared to a baby coming OUT of you!

    I can understand the Japanese being riddled with the clap. It's a real effort trying to make a Japanese guy wear a condom!

    1. Here, they cut in order to avoid ripping. Wifey was a trooper, opting not to have the spinal tap. During both deliveries, I was required to not stand where I could not see the action, but I did manage to catch the reflection off the glasses. Often times, we men try to compensate for our wimpy-ness through the most spectacular pissing contests.

      Whether due to the custom of leaving it fate or the popularity of abortions, the failure to 'suit up' is apparently one of the big reasons for the popularity of shotgun weddings. And ceftriaxone-resistant neisseria 'super-clap'.

    2. There's a great line in the book 'Pink Samurai': "Japanese whores are clean on the outside, but dirty on the inside." That's a book about the sex trade, but when I was a younger more single man here in the 90s I can tell you not one - NOT ONE - Japanese girl told me to suit-up. Always did, and caught nowt.

      Had just one scare. A girlfriend tested positive for clap antibodies (or gonorrhea - don't recall) but was no longer infected due to an incidental dosing of antibiotics for a cold, or some such typical over-prescription in Japan. All I had to do was hand over pee: negative.

    3. There was an article in Stippy about 'the aids' - which is pretty scary to read. Though it might seem to be a bit dated, the following two (1 & 2) articles indicate that it might not be. From what I understand, testing positive in Tokyo happens often enough to where it's all kept confidential and the medication cost is billed to insurance in a way that mom and dad wouldn't find out.

      People here chew on antibiotics like they are going out of style. That's kind of why I like to avoid cities for the most part. Not like it really helps.

    4. Besides condoms,* stay away from the sex trade, idiots! If you've had a dozen partners who'll have a dozen partners, that's seventy-two people you've swapped flora with.** If you pay for sex, multiply that number exponentially.

      *Have to admit I have not used them when getting blown, but should have. Might also help that my total number of partners is something less than alarming.

      **12x12=144, but divide that by 2 because we'll assume you and they are in the mid-point of their sex lives.

    5. the sex trade flourishes in these lands. From what I understand, in addition to the official soaplands, online hook-up sites, etc. the downtown area is divided up among three factions who operate in the law's blind-spot. So I am told. Everybody's probably got a story like that... nothing so new.

      What is bothersome is the basic understanding of health issues. Even among the 'educated'. Like having to ask an oral hygienist/dental assistant (not much of a difference between the two here?) to please wear gloves (hand condoms).

      As if green tea really helps.

    6. There really does seem to be a poor understand of STDs. I've been told that condoms don't matter because all Western women are on the pill!

      Maybe when you live in a country with an alarming low birthrate, contraception isn't such a big deal but I grew up in the era of horrific AIDS scare campaigns. Swapping bodily fluids = DEATH.

    7. Very poor understanding, yes.

      I also grew up within the timeframe when the illness was more or less a death sentence. Now, it's pretty much understood as a chronic illness, something that is more or less manageable. Even if times have changed, in my mind, it is something scary and to be feared.

      That said, there seems to be much less awareness about these kinds of things. Hepatitis is another one people are fairly blissed-out about.

      I keep wondering if there isn't some kind of lobotomizing that is routinely carried out on the general population that is somehow connected to Hello Kitty and AKB48.

    8. Wife's uncle died of Hep.B. He was careless enough to get it, and careless enough to ignore the need for treatment. On the one hand it was good he was single, and never gave it to a wife; on the other hand I bet he spread it to lots of 'working girls', and thus to 'johns'.

    9. For some reason, my brain didn't catch the 'wife's' part... which means you're talking about someone here in Japan.

      China has earned the 'endemic' stamp from Wikipedia when it comes to Hep B. Were it not for the semiannual checkups in Japan, I imagine things would be a lot worse here.

      I have met a guy here who lamented having gotten Hep B. Not surprised. Sometimes people see like they don't care. "Leave it up to fate" or something.

  2. My greatest fear growing up (still is a fear even after tubal ligation) was getting pregnant. So I always was on birth control and condoms were required at least until after the doc appointment to make sure I wasn't walking into a deadly trap.
    All of these scary down there germs freak me the hell out. I count my lucky starts that I am married and that we are exclusive to each other. I hear of so many people catching cooties it's sick. What really grosses me out is hearing about how people will say they are 'clean' so they can have sex without condoms just to find out they are lying and gave you a case of the yuckies.

    About a year ago one of my husbands friends called him to ask him questions about strange discharge and skin irritation. My hubs told him to get down to the clinic, get tested and get meds. How does a person in their mid-20's NOT know about STD's?! People scare me.

    1. Maieusiophobia? (Not even going to try to pronounce that without a smartphone)

      Yeah, people sure are scary sometimes. Not so much for being mean or anything, but for kind of being 'not smart' or really dumb. I've definitely been pretty stupid a few times.

      Haven't heard much about people catching cooties here simply because it is not something people have talked about. And I don't think it is just just around me. Gee, the things people pick up due to lack of education (or common sense).

      Ideas about health here often times seem to make as much sense as Engrish. Reading your comment, it looks like here isn't the only place that has its fair share of discharge and irritation.